Thursday, August 25, 2011

Encyclosleazia Shittanica excerpt: Bingebugs

      Infesting seedy bars around the universe (which is basically EVERY bar in the universe) Bingbugs are parasites that prey on lightweight patrons. Without the means to directly ingest the drugs and alcohol they need to survive, Bingebugs usually wait in the shadows until someone passes out from drinking too much. They then squish their way over and latch themselves onto the victim's head.
     Upon awakening the victim is overcome with the urge to consume copious amounts of drugs and alcohol before the Bingebug liquifys their brain and sucks up the substance laced brain soup. The bingebug then detaches and crawls off to find the next unfortunate lifeform.
     This process  leaves the victim completely brainless resulting in a condition known as "the Bingebug Blues." Once in this state those afflicted are practically walking corpses, left with only the most basic motor functions.These "zombies" are too stupid to be dangerous, but they have become a problem in areas in which they overpopulate. One can imagine crowds of unintelligent bodies milling about can get pretty obtrusive.
    Bar owners don't even bother to exterminate bingebugs if they have an infestation. Let's face it, an organism that forces people to consume drugs and alcohol is good for business. Bartenders have even been known to purchase and keep bingebugs as pets.

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